Yes I Am Fat

“My fudge is lovely, dark and sweet
But I have targets to keep,
and miles to run before I eat
and miles to run before I eat”
Probably this would have been the shape of the popular poem had the author lived today. What is the world turning into when exercise is taken up out of peer pressure instead of necessity. The world is turning into Pandora for the fat warriors. There is a constant battle of sizes waged against them. “Long-live-size-zero” is the hot trending topic in the nation which has undoubtedly played havoc in the lives of fat people. The problem is so high up the head that the new status symbol is the no. of hours you spend supposedly “working out” on machines lathered in strangers’ sweat. Everyone knows that extreme fat is lethal but only the likes of us know that being fat today has ordeals worse than death itself.

It is nothing uncommon to see street walls littered with banners of new opened gyms and fat-reduction centres targeted especially towards vulnerable fat people. Posters showing abnormal rates of weight loss and the ‘before’ and ‘after’ pictures of two “obviously-different-but-pretending-to-be-the-same” people, are just daily sights. It’s been very long since they last seemed even funny. We are used to them to such an extent that the sight of empty walls invoke a feeling of the Vernacular Press Act being reinforced ( sounds familiar? It’s class 8th history you ingrates! ) although the language used in those ads would have forced the British to disown it’s colony anyway.

I’ve been fat for more than half of my living age now. And from my wonderful experience there are some extremely important side-features that you get free of cost in the package.

Firstly the fat itself or looking ugly isn’t the real problem or at least not what it makes the characteristic as bad to live with as it is. It is the people who give you tonnes of useless advice to loose weight who make you feel like scum. Not to mention the dumb fat jokes, always there to top a ladle-full of any such advice which I don’t know why but is as weird as it could get. People like these make sure they make you feel bad enough to force you either into joining a gym or wanting to kill yourself by most unusual means. It is like in every 100 fat people, 70 of them will surely die of hypertension rather than high cholesterol, blood pressure and all those high profile layman diseases playing that extra toy in a happy meal.

The package also contains the evergreen comment “Thoda kam khaaya karo! ” as a festive season bonus. Seriously it is one of the worst and the most unreasonable comments ever in the history of mankind. If there was a Guinness book of worst comments, this one could have given tough competition to top-notch ones like “My son’s pocket money is more than your salary! “. This comment has as much relevance to fat as Aamir Khan has with the intolerance debate. Hard to believe but yes, nothing!

Also one of the worse thing about being fat is the lack of normal conversation in life. Such is the state of matters in our lives that we, poor fat souls crave something as fundamental as nonchalant human chatter. There seems to be some magnetic field attached to the fat in our body that turns every conversation in its direction. However desperately you may try to distract the speaker you WILL end up getting a word on your fat status. And what’s funny about this is that you need not even be fat to get a nice helping, probably the same way as this guy.

Person X meets Person Y after five years. The following is an extract of the conversation they had.
Person X: Hey!
Person Y: Hi! How are you! It been a long time!
Person X: Yeah good. My God! You’ve lost so much weight. You used to be so chubby! You’ve got to tell me about your workout regime! I’ve put on so much…… Blah blah blah
Person Y: (awkward) Yeah that’s cool but….
Person X: (unabashed) Blah… Diet… Blah Blah…crunches… Blah
Yes the conversation seems funny but it is too difficult to ignore reflection of the the slim-is-fit mania in our heads.

Being fat apparently comes with the responsibility of enduring what looks like worldwide hate. Wherever you go you have to put up with scathing looks, people’s stares, comments and advice like above. You feel like everything about you is bad and unworthy of let alone respect, even existence. You don’t feel human. Live with the problem and there is a very good possibility that you might one day wake up to blame yourself for the outspread of Ebola. No wonder diseases like Anorexia look less like a medical condition and more like a result of the concern of a fellow fat doctor’s attempt to sympathise with his fraternity by awarding them with a term to ensure the importance of their mental state in medicine.

All jokes apart, I don’t know why this fat issue affects us so much, why the slightest sign of a developing paunch gives us a mini panic attack with every glance at the mirror. Why does it make people unsure of themselves. Why is it supposed to let us down?
A lot of it can be attributed to our insecurity of being socially accepted; being able to take those “although-idiotic-but-trend-follow-karna-hai” selfies, flaunting that new fashion short dress on Instagram is way more important than being comfortable. The ones who can do it, target the ones who can’t; instilling the same stereotype in their heads. And we grew up hating ourselves, suffering from low self-esteem. I myself remember being laughed at and being mocked just for being fat; and the scarring trauma it caused over my then impressionable mind.
But today I want to say something I’ve never said before. I, as a fellow responsible fat citizen of this country, today, want to finally stop defying the fact and proudly say that YES I AM FAT! And if anyone’s got a problem with that I would have never cared lesser. Also, addressing my fellow fat community I would like to say for the final time, that they are perfectly normal human beings and have every right to live a boring normal life like everyone else. Being fat is not a deformity or a disability. Be proud, be confident,love yourself, stand out, prove your worth and remember, do NOT let the adipose under your skin get to your head and block your basic intelligence by paying heed to the hurtful taunts. And to the people with those over-fed LBD-showered Instagram profiles and under-fed rationale, I would like to say that even you are someday going to enter your mid 30’s. Well, I don’t mind giving up some useful piece of advice which you might be already familiar with!

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